That Term

That one day I remember after couple hundred days of friendship (some people would call it a year or two, I just try to make thing sounds more impressive) we declared ourselves - brotherhood. A line that was drawn a step further than just friendship signifying we have more things in common to share, no more haggling over every single ounce, more open minded and literally no secret in between. Gemini is an outward type, brim with wits bundle endless energy and creativity. The superficial nutshell might not be the best representation but definitely not the one to disperse focus on so many trails that I will wake up to tons of unfinished works.

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Perspective

After spending a quarter of year traveling around the world, mostly Japan and Australia I find myself changed a lot. Tend to be more relaxed and following what my mind tells me to, instead of fighting the authority trying to claim our losing rights. I need a place where I can focus on developing my interest, freely express my creativity without being interfere by people why simply couldn't think out of box and narrow minded. I used to keep up with the movement of Malaysia's politics, trying to be part of the new generation to counter the corrupted governing party but I have since given up. I realize with the same of amount of energy I would better of after my dream to achieve something I like rather than wasting time on something that might not even happen. The government simply abuse us inhumanly by strictly controlling media platform nationwide (by channeling false news), unexplainable voting working committee (winning vote by bribery) - everything is just dirty. (If you lived in Malaysia you know it)

After living in Japan for 2 months and a month in Australia I just want to migrate. I still love Malaysia but not in the form breathing under the BN, we need democratic fresh air. However with the mistake I made 3 years back I have to pay back for it. I owed Singapore 5 year bond which I wanted to breach it so much. I wanted to ask my parents to break the bond for me but it is hard to overcome my ego, like I have to admit how repentant I am for nodding saying "yes" during the interview, I was just too desperate to leave Malaysia that time. If I were to follow the plan my parents drafted for me I would have been in Melbourne without owning anyone else. Not that I don't like Singapore, it's just a small overpopulated island with limited resources for everyone else. The only thing I could remember doing every weekend is to go out shopping or dine in in different neighbourhood different malls overall pretty much the same routine. There are no nice beach, good hill to hike or thick jungle to trek. I need a place where I can freely express myself, have tons of outdoor activities for me to do and diversified culture society where I could blend in easily. Only a few that make it to the list - Australia, New Zealand, America, Canada.

Japan

It has been awhile really. You can imagine how tired I am everyday after work that I don't have that last bit of energy to blog. But I am back tonight because I have so much to tell after one month. Tonight dinner was so exceptional and encouraging which push me even more to reinvigorate this dusted virtual diary.

"When you expect the least, 

you receive surprise." 

If you asked me to summarise my life in Japan for the past one month. I have to admit that I am more than reluctant to depart for Japan initially. Japan has nothing that I am fancy about, if you really want me to say one maybe anime like Bleach, Naruto or One Piece. Other than that nothing else, not even to touch on the red light area where most of my friends are hyped about - the unholy amount of pornography in Japan (yeah, I think I still prefer American and European pornography). But as soon as time elapsed, I find the Japanese culture is no far from German ones. Their open minded thinking and how they take responsibility of their assignment. When we say 8 o'clock, punctuality tops all of your agendas. When it comes to work, seriousness is virtue.

I feel like I am a real engineer here. I do not perform miscellaneous tasks like most of the internships are doing. The first task I was assigned to was to co-develop the cutting technology with a junior engineer and senior engineer (also our supervisor) for titanium alloy (Ti6Al4V) using mild carbon steel (S48C) as baseline. I learnt to analyse material physical properties and comparing it to base material for tool and cutting parameter selection using radar chart. But the more challenging part is my current second task which is to research on selecting the most suitable parameters for milling the new stainless steel alloy (KHR35CT and another two which I forgot the codename). This project is a real industrial project by customer from Saudi Arabia. Customers want to check on the capability of JTEKT (Toyoda) machine capability to cut the hardened alloy for cutting petrol pump casting. If the test result turns out positively, customers will buy machine from JTEKT.

Living in Japan is basically of very high standard, probably the highest in the world. You pay premium for almost everything here except a handful of stuff which you can get it from 100 yen shop (Daiso and so). But paying more means you are receiving something of really high quality which leave you peace at mind. Basically you do not need to worry for anything you buy here, from food to goods to service almost everything is strictly inspected before it reaches to the customers. I am a person of little psycho which seek perfectionism for things I throw interest in so this might be the place best matches my attribute.

Miss home? Hrm maybe a little for Kuching. Keeping in touch with my family almost everyday means I am with them every moment. I feel their presence here which makes me feel more homy than ever. The only thing is I miss about Tail. Since she is taking her foot off in Kuching to London ten days later. That's all I have to lose. Singapore? Piece of shit if I ever could I would not even feel like returning to that hopeless land. Those people in NYP is making me losing my faith even once I thought of giving up because of you and you. My classmates, codename26, breakfast club, friends and juniors are all I am missing. If I could extend my stay in Japan, I would really love to. At least I am more focus on engineering interest rather than to whirl myself in the pool of politics.

Whatever it is I am starting to countdown to go back in a month time. And I cannot wait to touch down in KL to smell Malaysia in March. And then will fly off to Australia where I will reunion with most of my secondary classmates. 

(I am actually still regret why I did not take up my parents' decision for me to finish my foundation in Kuching and continue my degree in Melbourne. I was too impetuous to leave Kuching that time that I ended up here. But for the path I have taken, I will continue to march with His guidance.)

Back

When I don't blog, it means I have better thing to do than blogging.
Now I am back to blog again.
Stay tuned.

The Second Time

He replied my message as if nothing was found abnormal. Maybe I did not belong here, not even from the start. I am just getting more left out maybe it was me who started isolating myself. I guess it was a deviated move I tried to keep myself alone, nobody had ever tried to understand the social pressure which kept my head down. Tail was so far away I could not convey my message properly and worse still she could not decipher the complicated situation well enough. People whom I expected the most rendered the least. But those I did not had intention with, lent me an ear to hear and a hand to pat on my shoulder. I was discouraged at that time. I spent my thoughts to think for a best christmas gift which will serve its purpose to embark our friendship which is extending into our third years of studies, I tried to make it worthy that will last along with our friendship. Finally we are assembled again this week but I prefer it better when we were apart all over the world. It does not make any difference when everyone is physically present or not. I do not know who or what should I cling onto now. My heart has grown so strong to on par with the people I socialize with in my daily life. The little foundation I laid to sustain my long term vision has shattered bits by bits, further and further, maybe it's time for me to look for new blood whom I can entrust for this crucial time. I need a really really strong team and people with burning passion. Sorry dad, I know you have invested a lot on me wanting me to excel one day and to inherit what you have built up but what I am doing now is exactly what you were doing decades ago. Like father like son. 

I Lost Faith

I am impressed by how these people run errand. Just about a year ago, it was my first time to get in touch with this matter. Back then I was quite assured that I had nothing to worry about - this is Singapore, a first world country, the only Asia's country tops the least corrupt government, the best livable city in Asia, everything is on the lead based on the meritocracy system. I was so amazed by how this tiny dot achieved such as exceptional quality of living until I found out that meritocracy was not a norm here, it only seems to be. I have been through it myself for almost a year and have been taking the looks how people threw at me, how people mocked behind me, how high my parents' expectation was, how strong my ego was... ...I always told myself "everything is going to be alright, this is an obstacle God throws at me aim at turning me stronger." Even with my constant self-motivation, I would have lost myself without the guidance from her. She was the only one who stayed by my side when I almost gave up, when I almost lost all my hopes in everything I did. 

Today, she has finally given up. My core psychological and spiritual support all these while has broken down. If the person who has always been supporting me is falling, it means the impact was too strong. Even the toughest shield is corroded by the most ruthless weapon. The same thing happened again this year. The only difference is the buffer period is so short we do not even have time to appeal for a second or third time. In addition to that Z is now the so called "overall-in-charge" he has authorisation to give a pass or red card to all the applicants based on his special formulae. Even after we submitted an appeal he beat around the bush and replied with a well worded email. Of course I am upset, I have been through exactly the same thing. Last year, I had few days to collect evidence for appeal purpose and had enough time for the "panel" to consider . He is clever enough this year that he cuts short the buffer period so the risk that changes might incur to the list is reduced to minimal. He is the mentee to my mum and key person of DPE IMPACT, she has lost her credibility in students. It will be more challenging to attract juniors to the club in the future because what we promise is always empty ones. I have to admit that Z is a very delicate person and in the world of politics, people like him will not fall or barely will.

I am shocked when I received another email this morning. She always told me she wanted to quit but yet to see any actual move from her. I know her well. She always complaint how tired and stressed up she was but she never stops giving herself in rendering her maximum effort to make sure every DPE event runs smoothly, more importantly she wants everyone of us to learn and improve from where we are short of. The nightmare finally happened today. I know it was for real. If this relinquishment is sought after, we are going to lose a huge pile of morale support. I cannot imagine DPE juniors' future. There will no longer be anyone to stand on students' behalf, to speak for our welfare.

I am sorry there is nothing much I could do to counter this upset situation. I tried to scrutinize your CCAs transcript and furnish it to look more convincing but... It is not that you are not good, it is just that you luck was not there that he has chosen you to be the scapegoat like what happened on me. I can feel how exactly it feels like in your position but embrace through it. Time will eventually fade away the pain. Focus on studies and I believe result is what we are more concerned with. 

I am so fed up I do not anticipate to Japan anymore. I do not feel proud of it at all. Behind this internship it is all about filthy procedures, dirty tricks and all the bad ingredients which degrace one's personality. The reasons why I am still holding to it are for the fame of DPE IMPACT, the sacrifice my mum has made for me, the expectation of my own parents and of course to crush you down, if possible.

I hope karma is true and will strike you one day.

697th

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The Numbers

5

First thing I gonna talk about is I finally got my second apple wife. After a long 1 month wait. At first I thought it was just a minor update but in fact those little improvements here and there are those which make it better as a whole. From the camera which has now becomes the benchmark for today's mobile photography to the A5X chip that makes everything smoother than before. User experience is what Apple focus at and they are totally doing it right. Just a single model iPhone can put the used-to-be mobile tech giant Nokia to shame despite Nokia's hundreds and hundreds of models. If your direction is right, you will get it right.

26

It is now in memories. I miss the laughter and fun we had together in the lab especially the last few weeks. Sometimes I was confused if we were doing FYP because we were so happy that we could laugh whole day long. The only rationale why I feel comfortable with them is because of the frankness, it is like the traits which is built within the heart. When you were down you shed a tear, when you were over the moon you burst into laughter like no one's business.

The royal members of codename-26

25

Finally get these two packets done and is ready to ship to Germany. Although the shipping cost burns a hole in my wallet but I always behold the belief that friendship is invaluable. I really hope everything will reach Germany in good shape, I have tried to cushion the package with a lot a lot of spongy layer and bubble wrapping and I do not want to be disappointed nor to disappoint them as well. Fabian and Tabea, wishing you all an early Christmas!

30

Paid a visit to the embassy of Japan today, the second time. I missed the application hour yesterday and got to travel down again today. This place is so fucking isolated that it is not accessible by any means of public transport. The nearest MRT is Orchard but you got to walk really really far like about 1.5-2km away by pedestrian walk along the main road. Be glad if it is a big sunshine, although it is hot but you only sweat! If it rains there is no shelter along the way! The worst part is there is so much traffic when crossing the junctions which always make this by legs journey longer and more tiring. Good news is I was in time for the submission. To Japanese timeliness is one of the main elements in their culture and they are quite particular about punctuality. If you came late, they would not entertain you at all.

17

On my way back from embassy to school, have to take train from Orchard station. And you know what, passed by H&M which me and Esther went on Monday which was then closed is celebrating it's grand opening today. I guess the officiating ceremony was over thus the crowd was not as huge as expected. I tried the black shirt in the picture and took a random photo in fitting room and uploaded to instagram. I received a lot of positive feedback and my confidence soars high a little. Lol. I think codename26 and Esther have lifted my overall emotion and washed away the sorrow which I have eventually overlooked. This is a good sign as I feel myself getting more positive towards life. Thank God.

0

I miss the old us. When we look for each other is not just for the sake of needing help. But the fact seems inevitable now. I guess I do not need to try hard to save the old memories back into present, what have left is left. Today I have learnt to live for today but not living in mirage reminiscing the past and try to retain the memory and project into the reality. I find my life too miserable always try to keep the best memories alive. History is history.I ever tried to correct our relationship. I texted you to chat but our minds seems to fall apart, there was even time when I saw your read timestamp but I did not receive a reply. I understand you might miss a few replies like what I do occasionally but if it happens too frequent, it is really upset. Nowadays my iMessage notification only comes in when I need to buy something and post it to your house thus requiring your address or when you need reference for certain project or module you come to ask from me. The olden days we only talked cock and wasting our time chatting all the unnecessity. If it was the old me I will keep tweeting about how life has turned this way and how sad am I how much I wish I could rewind back the good old time. I have told myself that be positive and make the most out of limits. Spending more time to polish my in-depth knowledge, an occasional night run to boost stamina, a hearty meal with friends to foster relationship, chatting with her to keep the distance short, facetime with family to feel homy, a fun outing to fade away unhappiness, a pilgrimage escaping mundanity. Yes, I love my life now.

Urlaub

I want to leave for vacation. In dire need of widening my mind and to stimulate more ideas how I gonna realize it. Love you.

Thank You So Much

Thank you so much

For the fun and laughter we shared for the past three months

I can feel my broken heart is slowly convalescing

Definitely will start missing you guys from next week onwards

Announcement

Sorry for all the waits. I temporarily shut down my blog because I was thinking of making a makeover. But being constraint by my packed schedule, I was not able to commit. So I have decided to open it to public again. The other reason I narrowed down to a handful of invited readers to my blog was because there was a huge jump of readers especially from United States, from tens to hundreds. I do not feel secured as I feel my little bits of life here and there was exposed to the world. This blog was intended for my personal use and meant to link with my close ones. Sorry if you are my constant readers and I have barred you, you are now welcome to read my delicious story of life made up of all unique and scarce spices.

I saw the tweet, and I feel it. Sometimes I feel I adapted to a new environment too quickly till I forgot where my previous roots were. But as environment is shifting swiftly so do I, I have learnt so much from the top management in NYP - 

The only way to survive is to adopt, 

instead of trying hard to make a change.

Somehow I feel my old belief that "sharing is caring" and karma which defines "you will receive good in return of doing good" has outgrown the ethic of this society. I hope this does not representing the entire Singapore (usually what a minority from a group does will represent the trait as a whole). So long so hard and so sad. I have since more direct in speaking my mind and start pruning those tactful unnecessary civilities to make people feel good, some people do not give a fuck and will not even appreciate. I always hear people saying but I was ignorant until I experienced it. 

Although I do not really like what I am receiving in my life now, but for the sake of my parents' expectation I will accept whatsoever that comes to me even not very appealing. My dream was not dead. I am still laying bricks on the way to building it up. Time can heal pain, also it can drag more misery if not properly handle. I also tend to be more appreciative because I am so sick receiving complaints from people who take all the good things for granted. 

If you feel me distant myself from the group, it is simply I feel that I have fallen out of the topic circle. I do not know how to initiate an impromptu conversation, I have to plot one. Referring to what I have experienced from the previous paragraph, I want to be direct and not pretentious. If I do not like it, I just quit. There is no need to hide my feelings and try to act in front of the crowd.

I thank all who have been rendering your morale support for me, be it a simple text from Kuching, a call from classmate or whatsapp from Europe. There is nothing that beats me down, only burning the will stronger. 

Bits Of Life

This morning I woke up real high. No reason but just anticipating to go to school today. I brought in the Starbucks coffee I bought to lab and lolz. We aroused another round of buzz and burst into laughter almost for the entire day. I attended Japanese lesson reluctantly but the experienced tutor (I heard he is the head of Japanese language in my school) did lighten up my little passion in Japan, not much.

It was a very cold and cooling day, shivering got worsen by the super power air-cond. Received a system generated message telling me the confirmation from Toyoda Japan. Never fancy Japan nor it is on my list of travel in the near future. Mixed feeling. Have to split up with my previous partner and ... ... Have to admit that not in a good mood to get set for the rest of the day which I was previously on a high notch.

My labmate - Rachel is flying off to Japan tomorrow. Happy 21st in advance! I may be joining you a month later.

Commissioning finished off with a perfect ending. Juniors are doing better and I believe will get even better in the future. An instax with brother Andrew to mark the end of this chapter in DPE IMPACT. Got to appreciate him as he never fails to take my tantrum especially recently when I got baffled by some most of the difficult challenges I ever faced in my poly life. If not of his unsparing temper to tolerate my untuned emotion, I could have driven myself insane. Tail in Kch, Jim in OZ, Est in NZ, Bian in India and Drew in Sg. 

As Distant Journey Tests The Strength Of A Horse,

So As Time Reveals A Person's Heart and Character.

Spoke to them on Facebook again. I feel very dispirited and down hearted the moment they replied me "We told everyone that you are coming." They told their friends and family to actually welcome my stay in Germany if I would ever visit them which seems possible in the past few months when I did not foresee the complication that lies ahead. I do not know how much a foreign friend means to you, but these two Germans definitely serve as an eye opener for me which let me have a more global look on how the Caucasians think of we Asians and vice versa. Also through day-to-day interaction I get to understand why Germany is still standing upright and tower the world of innovation for tomorrow. They are also engineers who behold some of the best engineering perspective and understanding which I enjoyed chatting and discussed with them especially when comprehending the scenes of "The Dark Knight" from scientific point of view. We all have nearly the same interest and can't be happier if meeting again is not far away. I love Germany previously and the affection grows stronger with my constant coincident meetup with nice and friendly Germans as well as several German events, food, fashion, products and so on which make awesome even awesomer.