Finale

Thank you so much ZCSH

I love you as much as I hate you

Love

Because you taught me a real life lesson which can never be studied from books

The ugly facts behind your shiny glowing crown

Where innocent victims are sacrificed to worship the devil inside you

Thanks for choosing me as your sheep

I have learnt so much from you

Experiencing the pain from stabbers much earlier than others would

And most probably I will be more aware next time when I step in to the real society

And at the same time

I wish you good luck in employing all your dirty tricks continue to cast everyone else out

I hope your filthy fetish will pay you back equally

Hate

You made me suffer through two semesters

Where I have lost my passion towards study

Every time you chose to haunt me right before finals

I am glad that with Jesus's blessings I survived

Defeated your bafflement with flying colours

For all the mental torture implication

I have eventually overcome

Numbness is the only side effect

I have lost my attention towards certain event which I used to care

I do not know if this ongoing emotionless feeling is a sign of depression

But nevertheless all your moves should have imposed hatred from me

But instead

I just want to avoid you

Because messing around with you

Do seriously offend my personality and despise self-esteem

For what I said

"As in I no longer feel the disappointment and sadness I used to, totally emotionless.

It's quite rare for me to come across the line where I give up something I used to care.

I am usually tough and stubborn in pursuing an event I am after but I have lost the passion this time."

And she replied

"Life is full of ups and downs.

Stay focus and try to get what we deserve until we are proven dead.

You have done all you can, but it just missed you.

I admire your perseverance.

It may be a big lost now, but it may be a blessing in disguise which you will only realize in future.

Look on the brighter side, and move on."

At least, I persevered till the very last minute and somebody recognized that.

Thank you so much.

628th: Love is the strongest spiritual support.

An Alternative

The afternoon after my last final or maybe the next day, I happened to speak with my mum again, only both of us. At first we were discussing about the old folks' event on Saturday (1 September) but eventually our topic was shifted to the very secretive overseas attachment. Actually we didn't started off immediately, I was asking if mum knows who my supervisor is so I could apply for leave from 14 to 17 Sept because my mum's corporate is going to have a beach side stay with all my relatives who are also members of the board of directors. My mum told me she is. Initially I thought she was joking but then she reassured me. She immediately "approved" my "leaves" and being greedy I asked for extra two days off which were one day before and after 14 and 17. Literally means I am flying home from 13 to 18, like a boss.

... ...

Actually on the second day of Raya visiting which was Monday morning I received a sms from my mum saying that I have a tentative Japanese company awaiting for confirmation. I was happy because like finally? I was sad at the same time because I don't really fancy about Japanese' culture instead of the Europeans'. I asked any chance to go Europe? She said not at the moment because three European companies actually pulled out. Bad economies? Or just the winter season.

... ...

Back to that afternoon, so I have something in mind which I think it was inappropriate to ask. But somehow I still opened my mouth and asked "It is possible if I find my own company and the school back me up?" She replied "Why not? It would be better that way. To be frank with you, the school's list is actually exhausted." "Won't it be offended to XX?" "Of course not, he will appreciate if you happened to slot in a new company because it will build up relationship with NYP and is also good for your juniors" "Alright, remember the German friends I met in the plane? Fabian's family is actually running a company providing stamping automotive parts for Daimler (Mercedes-Benz) and maybe I could establish relationship with the German site and somehow secure an internship placement." "That would be great but you should do it in a low profile." "Ok."

So the first and second day of FYP which is today, I have already submitted four applications in total. I am glad that I am obsessed with exotic cars especially the German made one. Easily I could source out the internship link to Daimler, BMW, Volkswagen, Audi and so. So yesterday I submitted two applications, one to BMW and one to Bosch. FYI, Bosch is the world largest company in providing automotive components.

BMW

Bosch

Today I wanted to submit applications to Volkswagen and Daimler AG but when it came to the last part of online application it asked for testimony. Neither me nor my partner has a testimony so we decided to ask mum to write one for us but she was busy marking paper. She said she could write for us after 3pm but she was still busy then. So I quickly search for other company which doesn't need testimony for internship application. With God's blessings, I didn't waste the day doing nothing but I completed another two online applications. The first one was Porsche - a super car badge which most car lovers would love to have one; Sennheiser a world premium audio device maker known for its' high end headphone, speaker and telephony accessories. Before this I always thought Sennheiser was from the States but in fact it is Germany! For fuck sake don't buy Beats, Sennheiser is now the choice!

Porsche

Sennheiser

So what's up tomorrow? I have actually completed the online application for both Daimler and Volkswagen except the file attachment which requires testimony. I guess I would be able to successfully submit online application for that both renown automobile companies by tomorrow. 

Daimler AG

Volkswagen

I will continue to source for more engineering related company in Germany and hopefully with so many applications I have and about to submit, I will be very much appreciated if one replied. If there is two I can't be more welcome. Although the school is kind of giving up in sourcing overseas company but I am not giving up. At first I was so upset and I think I should just accept the fact and follow the flow but my mum scolded me. She said I am still young and there is no reason to give up easily. And because of her I reignite my spirit to keep the journey ongoing, even if it is tough. Since I was a little boy, I always got the stuff I want in a more "awkward" way which usually differ from others. I think I still can't run away this time. The usual way is the school is going to source and secure an internship placement for me but in fact I am doing it myself. My dad has a friend who works as a MD or CEO for Volvo Indonesia region in Jakarta. I actually reflected it to my mum and she said I should try that pipeline too. If I happened to go Sweden Volvo it would be great as well, even if I ended up in Jakarta working with such a big company will give me a better exposure and might propel me to a brighter prospect in the future. So, mum said "why don't you try?" 

"Even if the world fails you,

you'll never fail 

unless you give up first."

More to come on my list.

Audi 

(a subsidy of Volkswagen)

Lufthansa

Volvo for life

(Sweden made)

I am glad that I have my mum as my supervisor which indirectly increases my chances of going Germany by rendering unparalleled helping hands and backing me with morale support to groom me to be more fortitudinous on my stand. I also praise the Lord that You let me met the two German friends inside the plane who are now my 贵人 trying to help me for my internship in Germany. My auntie told me last time that fortune teller said I will always have 贵人 (savior? Sorry I couldn't find the appropriate translation I think savior is the closest) in life to aid me through difficult times. Somehow somewhat I find the prophecy kind of reflecting in my real life.

608th: Sometimes I think I should move on, but when you smile again, I melt.