My Lies

This is my original script which have not been modified by my manager. Hard time when producing this script as I really hope I could have a clear cut from him and I don't want to get involve in any activity which he actively participates in. I wanted to impart more element of sarcasm in it to mock him but I know it will be modified even though I do so, also I don't want to demote my personality doing the same thing as he did to me. Have fun being mind-fucked while reading this beautifully "plotted" speech.

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Deputy Director, Aerospace & Precision Engineering, Mr David Wong

Industry Guests, Managers, Lecturers and Friends

Good afternoon.

I’m Tan Yee, a 3^rd year student of the Diploma of Digital and Precision Engineering. I am also the president leading the second batch of DPE IMPACT EXCO. I am very honored to be given this opportunity to say a few words this afternoon.

DPE IMPACT is an academic club set up by the DPE seniors two years ago aim at building up our interest as well as exploring our talents in different fields apart from studies. As a DPE student I believe that academically excellence is not well sufficient, we need to develop ourselves into a more rounded student. This is where DPE IMPACT comes in to provide a platform for students to showcase their extra-curricular ability and talent. DPE Impact lets us soar with passion at work and at play. Of course this can’t be achieved without the dedicated guidance from our lecturers and seniors.

One year ago, I took up the responsibility to lead a team after the club and behold the vision to make the existing activities and events more fun and interesting. With the cooperation of my fellow committees, we have successfully organized major events like the Award Ceremony, DPE Impact Day, DPE Survival Camp, DPE Connect and of course today’s ceremony. Not only that, we have also organized two trips to Brighthill Evergreen Home to offer our voluntary and charity service.

Today, we believe that DPE IMPACT should not just about DPE students. We started to open up and involve more students across SEG like XXXXXX. We want DPE students to open their circle and to interact with students from different courses as part of our goal to develop a healthier social network. Just as what we can see today, we have representatives from XXXXXX in the house to witness this ceremony. We see this as a good start to involve more friends to join our activities in the future, like the camp which is going to be held XXX.

Time and tide wait for no man, it has come to the time where we will mark the end of our service and passing down to a group of youthful and energetic upcoming committees. I am very proud to see the passion in them which I believe they will continue to embark a new milestone for DPE IMPACT, year after year, like what we did.

Unfortunately some of my committees are not able to present this afternoon’s commissioning as most of them are currently having attachment overseas or OIPP, even though they are not physically present, but we are all spiritually present and we would like to express our deepest gratification for DPE IMPACT and all our lecturers and seniors who have provided a platform to give us this scarce opportunity to bond more, share more ideas and develop our leadership skills as well as guided us along the way to make every past event successful.

Before I end my speech, I would like to wish my juniors all the best in venturing new ideas to continue bringing the club soars higher into another horizon. As the saying “What the mind can conceive, it can be achieved.”

With that, I end my speech. Thank you.

Acquiescence

I followed RED tm to see the effort how people put in to fight for the Africans who live under the poverty line. The little kids still manage to give an artless smile despite the bulging stomach from the compilation of kwashiorkor. I stunned for a few seconds or minutes which I could not recall exactly. I lost in my mind trying to pave a way out. I relented to abusing authorities who think their every single move, single act is backed by power which I can hardly tackle. Mockable when I see people who do not even know how a well baked honey oat loaf taste like. My intuition has thus been distracted to a wrongly moral direction which makes me think that what people can offer me is merely a sentence or two of consolation, not any actual move which will solve the situation or at least giving me a satisfied answer. Sometime I would like to stop giving so much intellectual masterpiece I have done which people think I am good at, not that I refuse to share but I am not an organized person and I really hate to dig out all the old stuff I keep. I am looking forward to a solo or backpacking trip in a group of two or three, I believe dispute does arise when more people get involved since my very first trip with schoolmates in 2009. I salute those people who can take everyday so optimistically because what they have to worry is very primitive - food, shelter, water and any outfit as long as it keeps them warm. In first world society we never experience how starving feels like and what we are concerned is what to eat from a wide range of ready variety. I wish time clocks faster so I can quickly put this to end. I miss Highians so much because when you see an iMessage or Facebook messenger notification from them you know they are not always there to seek your help, most of the time they just feel free to send regards to me or to start a chit-chatting which could last for hours. This is also part of the element which formed the most primitive lifestyle centuries ago. I may tend to keep myself isolated as I feel most comfortable dealing with me, at least I know I am frank to myself and I won't cheat myself. I have come to the point I realize so much of me in the hidden corner of my own world. My arrogance for perfectionism and strong sense of belongingness will continue to be my main traits which will be inherited in all things I am going to venture. 

...

我自己辛苦一点无所谓，

咬紧牙关忍一下就过去了，

我只希望大家开心，

或许我就有那个继续下去的动力。

Resurrection

In the three musketeers, I failed the most, epicly, sadly with no mercy judging from the current realistic scenario. Things have evolved eventually and turned strange to me. I recall the moment I gained respect representing an icon of sublime virtue. All the history, in fact it just me living in my fairy wonderland has now shattered my dream in broken pieces which can never be made good again. The good old times. I always thought I could have conveyed and portrayed better which act as an added value relatively to what I have achieved and in the process of achieving. Albert Einstein:

"Only A Life Lived For Others Is A Life Worthwhile."

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#654th: This may be the last birthday bash. I will miss you.

Winter Haze

Just about a month ago, the first day when the new semester commenced I picked up my Nike backpack as early as I could, I was excited or perhaps the "kiasu" spirit which I wanted to reach the S233 as early as I could to grab the best spot, the blind spot where lecturer cannot see me when I am watching YouTube instead of rendering a UG model. I made it. Soon or later I am surrounded with a number of D3 coursemates from another path - Inggrid, Han Fen, Rachel Soon Ling, Keegan as well as Chung Keat from D2 of the same path as me. At first I thought I am gonna be isolated since none of my previous classmate was in here, but my early assumption was silly! In fact they are so much fun to hang around with and I had lots of fun, even though we have come to the half of this FYP course, I wish it was longer! We started following pretty Malaysian blogger like chuckei recommended by the girls, having fun stalking every single post after her just to update on her whereabouts. (I really have to admit that most (99%) of her photos without PHOTOSHOPPED are very very much prettier than the Singapore famous "plastic" and arrogant blogger - Xiaxue!) We even knew that Chuckei was coming to Singapore weeks ago and we made fun of wanting to meet her for dinner and karaoke! Lol, I know it's kind of lame but we really had fun chit-chatting in the lab, at least I did. There were also time when we got serious and discussed about our forthcoming FYP presentation. There is one Chinese Confucian analects "If three of us walk togeter, at least one of the other two is good enough to be my teacher." Indeed, changing ideas amongst did give me a better perspective more towards objective point of view instead of subjective. Until the recent funny French phrases like "Mercibuku" (correct spelling : merci beaucoup - thank you in French) by our "Hao Han" aherm-aherm gonna-to-be - Han Fen. In fact I still do not understand why she changed her Instagram username to 'Mercibuku", whenever I thought of it my lips rise, teeth popping out following a series of laughter! I guess this is how life should be!

TGIF 5 Oct 2012 - Going to Salted Caramel for Keegan and Suk Qin birthday bash!

At Salted Caramel with virtual candles holding by the stars of the night

I went to Clark Quay this evening for Oktoberfest celebration (Singapore style). 

I thought I was supposed to be in Munich one of the weekends this month but life sucks too bad (I EXPRESS MY DEEPEST GRATIFICATION TO ALL THE DORKS FOR MAKING MY OCTOBER SO WONDERFUL, THANK YOU SO MUCH, I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST IN HUNTING NEW PREY FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR ENTERTAINMENT, EVEN IF I DON'T WATCH YOU, GOD IS WATCHING). Although I did not really have a big gulp of Erdinger (one of the best beers Fabian and Tabea recommended in Germany) but I got a plate of roasted pork slice with potatoes. The serving was not big enough to fill me up, followed by some really shitty mushroom with eggs dishes at one of the Spanish restaurants nearby. We ended up at Subway which seems promising, and yea I love my Italian B.M.T. with tomato, cucumber and olive.

Le German guy, Dato, Zhong Lin, me and two German chicks

 Mushroom Shitake with eggs from OCTAPAS 

(don't try this unless you are willing to pay for a baby size serving with exorbitant tag)

Das Italian sandwich by Subway

We were doing a trial bungee run to prepare Dato for his next birthday present

Take 2

It is getting colder in Berlin as the season started to change into snowy winter. (Although it is not going to snow every year) As colder it gets, so as my hope and dream. The equation of hard work equals to fruitful harvest seems to be a calculation error even my scientific calculator cannot give track where the formulae went wrong. We can do Math as well as an engineer should but in life balancing equation is an ability to adapt to inexplicable one-sidedness, be glad if you are the favorable ones, if unfortunate endure and keep your faith.

Walking Shadow

I realize that I have been doing too much for people who do not appreciate. I do not expect others to sacrifice or reimburse me for return but at least you do not need to stab me in my heart. I admit that I have changed since I came to Singapore, my initial naive thinking does not fit in to this society which works on pay-and-take basis. Give-and-take is reserved for more traditional community where exchange of needs is not lucre based like how Kuchingites interact to live. I can feel that my personality is getting more disparaged as time elapsed, I am uncertain if this is the only survival skill to keep my breathing going in this first world city state. Such an eye opening. I have always thought that the fighting in between my relatives for the autocratic control over the asset which my grandparents left is the most shameful and dirty incident I have ever encountered with. But here I see a more deteriorating scene where I cannot just stand beside watching, I am whirled in this deadly tornado sometime I wish I will could stop struggling and let the wind twist me to death. I do not know why this can affect me so far until now but I could not believe I am still blogging about it after so many similar posts. Maybe because of my constant hard work I have invested in since my first college day, maybe because of my continuous support to lift the the name of the club, not to mention a lots more of maybe. I have so much passion in achieving perfectionism, even to the extent of giving up many of my beloved daily routine I always make sure I do things the right way although I do occasionally whining about it but I never give up. I am writing this to declare that I may not be as good as how I used to in the future, how will I develop to? Maybe a more self-centered and selfish person, I do not want give too much fuck anymore always putting others' welfare in my priority until I jeopardize my peachy emotion and thinking. I want to move on and I told myself countless time but I simply cannot achieve that, not until I have my graduation certificate. Even they acknowledge my academic excellence with Gold, Silver or Bronze award it does not longer give rise to my pride as an outstanding student. Not to mention to ask me to deliver a graduation speech, I hardly tell lie to cover NYP saying how good the curriculum of DPE has nurtured me and how much I have learnt to where I stand today. Although I stated earlier saying I will be more selfish in the future, but before I live my new way I will do one last thing for my juniors dedicated specially to my "descendants" of the club. I have a drafted legal filing in hand and will deliver to the authority whenever I find the time appropriate. I yearn for a thorough investigation for the entire selection process from the evaluation of applicants' academic achievement to involvement in campus wide events, I want MOE to interfere and give everyone an explanatory answer which NYP, particularly DPE owes me.

Since weeks back, I am a soulless walking shadow and I wish to travel back Kuching more often in the following weeks to revive myself when I am close to the brink of stepping into afterlife. I have never feel my heart so frosty as if it were placed in mortuary. Gaining my passion for life has since top my resolution priority list, it will take time. I miss catching up with my love and bestie be it for a cup of tea or a simple meal. That is the only time when we can have open heart talk. I thank all who have constantly rendered your support to back me up. My perseverance has not given myself up, I am just too tired where my level of fatigueness falls way below it could be diagnosed and cured. I will keep strong.

Ups and Downs

I seldom come to the point when I got so down I need to blog again. I have so much in mind I wish I could pour them out so I feel better. I have initially lost my passion and urge to continue pursue what seems pointless and useless. It was like trying to grab for air from the open atmosphere. It was that hopeless the time I knew nothing can be helped to make things better until I reflected how down my partner was to my mum. She eventually spoke to him and I just happened to see him crying. Thanks to the glass windowed lab almost everyone who passed by saw that scene. From that point onward I know I must try to do something or else nobody would. I made a quick move by promptly get in touch with Volvo and Peugeot. My dad's ex-colleague is now working as a manager or some sort of director in a machinery company based in Jakarta who has direct business relationship with Volvo. I told my parents and my mum took the initiative to contact uncle Francis, I got Volvo regional representative from France based in Singapore almost immediately. Speaking on Peugeot, we have two Peugeot in my family one being mine and one belongs to my cousin. Besides, the Nasim Peugeot Kuching regional manager is one of my uncle's friend. Again my mum ran the errand again and I obtained Peugeot Asia General Director contacts not later then the time when I have Volvo's one. I wrote an email to my mum expressing my concern that these two global automobile giants would love to hear from school on the training needs, duration of internship and expenses incur during the period. And from there try to arrange a possible outcome. To my surprise my course manager was trying to escape from his responsibility saying that we are not supposed to look for company ourselves. (Forgive me for missing a meeting in between. Before I wanted to show him the details of both Peugeot and Volvo we had a meeting with my partner, supervisor, course coordinator and of course my "beloved manager". He said that we should stop sourcing company because it involves a series of complicated procedures which we do not foresee. However he said that FOR ALL THE COMPANY WE HAVE PREVIOUSLY APPLIED, DO LET HIM KNOW AND FOLLOW UP IF THERE IS ANY POSITIVE RESPONSE) And now when I finally got response from the director level of each company he tried to push away his words, he said - wait until David Wong comes back. So I have no better choice but to delay another week waiting. So my mum then went to have an argument with him:

"So now we already have direct contact with Peugeot and Volvo, can you write in a reference letter on my students behalf so they might stand a chance for OIPP."

"No, I don't think these two companies are related to DPE."

"What about Rolls-Royce?"

"No, Rolls-Royce is an aerospace industry, not automobile."

"How about Toyota?"

(FYI, Toyota is the last company NYP was looking into for OIPP but has yet to receive reply from Japan)

"... ..."

(CM got speechless)

So now you see the reason how I catch my fury? The manager gave me reasons that they could not find any possible company for my OIPP but when I got resource and tried to build a link with NYP he just SAT DOWN THERE DO NOTHING. I did not see your initiative in wanting to get the dangling issue solved. I tried to offer you a possible solution but you simply ignored me.

My mum gave me an idea that seems she and manager will not be around in NYP until 10th of October. She will give me clearance whenever she finds it a good time for me to speak to Deputy Director concerning on what is happening. At the moment I hope I can restore the confidence and sorrow which have incurred in me and my partner since the day we got doomed. (Not our life doomed, but just like the 3 years of our hard work in NYP is DOOMED).

I did not intend to blog tonight actually. But I could not express myself well enough through drawing so in the end I still decided to write an entry. From the darker marks on the sheet you can roughly guess how down am I when I was producing this drawing. 

When there are downs in life, of course there are ups. I praise the Lord for giving me this opportunity to meet two German friends whom I previously met in the plane while on the way flying back home Kuching from Singapore. If I did not boost my bravery at that time to offer them my numbers, they would not have asked me to give them a ride down to their hotel where our friendship begins. I feel 101% easy and relaxed when I hanged out with them because I do not need to pretend. They are straight forward and there is nothing to hide. We do not afraid if we see each other's shortcomings but we just share our true feelings and ideas instead which eventually lead to some really good thoughts. I would also like to thank Fabian who is currently helping me to get in touch with OTIS (world's largest escalator and elevator engineering firm) higher level of management to seek my possibility of breaking the gate into Deutschland. Although it sounds awkward but it is true that throughout the 7 days hanging out together (6 days in Kuching and 1 day in Singapore) I feel that this is the kind of cultural circle I wanna stay with. Frank, straightforward, direct, no drama and do not let trifle bothers life. And yes, Germany. I am glad that I pick up German language as my elective two years back when I was in my dilemma whether to choose German or French I decided to give the first one a try because of the leading engineering knowledge precedes by the German, but today I am pro-Germany not only because of their innovative engineering skills and logic but the culture behind which I truly admire.

And here the last photo with Tabea and Fabian before they flew back to Germany

Maybe some days after I will be back in Kuching again to feel the breeze

Where I smell my underived love of the most original

Abandon the fancy accessories

For which a true love is the most avant-garde piece of God's artwork

I miss you