Companionship

It is finally here

The time has arrived

As time continues to march on

I realize how important companionship is

When I started to develop a strong sense of appreciation

Although it is not too late

But I do miss out some part of the story here and there

I have another year to decide whether to stay or leave

I went to consult my godmother the other day

She asked me to stay for a year to find out what my true interest is

"Don't get influence by your family business, 

you might find commerce interesting but it might not be your destiny."

-

Well, I started to construct and establish the concept for my CREAF dream

What I am lacking of is somebody who holds the same strong desire as me to become an entrepreneur

Because I don't want to inherit only what my family has

I have a dream to follow, to achieve, to realise

I wake up everyday reminding myself Warren Buffet's quotes

Because I need to keep the determination burning

-

p/s: There is a big day in this month, I miss you, and the feeling gets stronger as time passes. Just another five more days, wait me.

Lunar New Year

Today is the third day of CNY

I know I am quite late but I still want to wish all of you

Happy Chinese New Year!

I was busy visiting around with my family few days back as they came down to visit me

It's Dragon year and I wish all of you

Have a prosperous year with endless blessings

Dye your heart with this joyous and cheerful clours

Love all of you

=)

Rest In Peace

 .

I am sorry to hear your leaving

I wasn't ready to get shocked again

I was still stupiding around War Memorial this afternoon

Thinking maybe I should just postpone my visit the next day

But time doesn't wait

Really

Heart-felt feeling

The memory popping up in mind was during the DPE 1111 event dance practice

I remember there was few times when your legs were injured and you couldn't dance

I was there standing aside talking with you

I knew you came from Penang and some basic background of yours

But it will now forever be kept as memory

Book 10 of 366

Life is short

Life is unpredictable

Cherish people around you before you lost it

In Singapore,

for my grandma, uncles, aunties, cousins, brother Andrew and Jeremy, classmates and friends

In Kuching,

for my family, relatives, Weilin, Fabian, Esther, Leon and all other friends

In rest of the world,

Uncles and aunties in US, UK, Hong Kong, Canada and Australia and Hong Khai

Just wanna tell you all I really love you

And afraid of losing any of you 

Good Start to End Bad

Maybe I am still wrapping up some bad shits I pooped last year

But this year gonna be a good year

Holding my breath and reassure myself

-

Out of the two weeks

Only get to see you for one

You went vacation the rest of the days

Sometimes sometimes

distance does matter

Too much or little

Nah, it all depends

-

I believe mutual support is crucial

Long ago, I always thought I could handle all the weight on my shoulder

But it's not when it is overflowing

There is a line to everything

At home, we have parents and family to share with

When outside, we have girlfriend or someone who you can fully entrust in

I might not be invisible

But I believe my silhouette is getting indistinct

I might not be available all the times to join every single outing

In my vivid memory, I remember at least you make an effort to ask

Maybe I am over sensitive thinking too much?

May it be or not

I will always giving you my support unknowingly behind the scene

-

Mum "He is in the 50/50 list, he might or might not get the chance"

Me "Is there anything to be done? I don't want to disappoint him"

Mum "Try to put him in a more significant role this Saturday so David will see him"

Me "Ok"

- the following day -

Me "How now?"

Mum "Ya, I think he is admitted to the confirmed list"

Me "Good news, btw thank you so much"

-

An Empty Bowl

Remember those time when grannie is gonna prepare glutinous ball dumpling

This year nobody is going to make me

Is either I do it myself or buy it outside

I miss those time

Really

-

Time elapsed

Death is sometimes not a thing to be fear of

It is just a process

Where every life has to experience

A non escape-able stage

-

Today I heard about her again

I don't know whether that was a subjective sentence from him

But time has nevertheless changed her so much

The last time I saw her was a year ago

Today, I nearly forgot how she was like

Although there was tiny dispute among us years ago

But we have been through so much

And I wish everything still remain like last time

It's kinda difficult

But memories are best kept

-

Anybody knows how the hard-felt feeling is when you recall memories

Which you've to try hard visualizing them because they are no longer real

Design + Music

I was doing this design for the event "Fear Factor"

Damn I feel so fail so my recent design

But at least I do something

-

He is Greyson Chance

And he is only 14

Together, We Shine

You can't cheer

When you passed a stage and the other didn't

When your teammate left a game and you still continue

It just like people giving you a stomp on your backbone

You may look fine but suffer internal injuries

What have done is done

What I am trying now is to counter some situations

To get those 5 who have been left out to get in

My appeal might be successful or may just be another false alarm, empty hope

I have the responsibility to protect and fight for the best on behalf of my men

They have worked and contributed so much

And I think it's fair enough if I could do something in return

Even if all my efforts varnished into thin air

But at least I tried

-

"Together, We Shine"

It Was The Closest Moment To States

We met up for shopping in Orchard. It was raining that evening and I was in my schooling dress code which appeared to be "under-dressed" to head down to Orchard. I kind of fed up and didnn't give a shit after I hopped on train. She was waiting for me in front of Chanel ION. After meeting up, we walked to Takashimaya and Metro @ Paragon. Around 7pm, with two bags of shopping bags, both holding in my hands, we went down to the basement of Paragon hunting for food. I saw Sushi Tei and trying to give a hint but soon she led her way into "Thai Express". I ordered Thai soft-shell crab and rice and she got herself some pattaya fried kueh tiaw. And that was where it began.

"When will you be graduating?"
"Next year, but I think graduation on May 2013"
"That sounds pretty fast"
"So, what's your planning after that?"
"I don't know, I am bonded"
"I heard it is a 5 year service right?"
"Yea, it is"
"Anyway to break it off?"
"Nope, unless we pay for the liquidated damage"
"But Ah Jiet went off after he completed his degree in NUS"
"Nah, it's pretty different. He got a bursary and I got scholarship instead"
"So you will be around 27 after that?"
"Most likely. Actually I don't mind sponsoring you to States, but you have to show me how you budget yourself"
"I am on my way to achieve that" (It was a total lie, lolz)
"How much to pay the bond off?"
"50k is more than enough, that's what my lecturer told me"
"It's not a small figure but we can discuss on it"
"Do you really like what you are studying now?"
"Not really, I was expecting something more on digital but I am currently more towards mechanical stuff which I believe, I sucks in technical operation"
"Haha, well, many undergraduates don't know their real interest is until they reach their 2nd or 3rd year"
"That implies on me, totally agree"
"Anyway, I don't think poly is a place that suits you. You're smart and should do something like form 6"
(eyes turned big and round)
"Well, I heard it wasn't easy. And I have had enough of Malay's education and just want to escape from the cage"
"I know it's hard but it shouldn't be a matter for you. Your dad did it last time before he flew to UK to complete his degree, and he got 1st class Honour"
"Really? I never knew that he is a 1st class"
"Your dad is as smart as you"
"... ..." (The awkward moment when you keep receiving compliments)
"So what are you currently into?"
"I guess Civil engineering or something to do with programming or computer"
"That's something really common"
"But part of our business is on construction, and that segment earns the most in Kuching"
"You still planning to go back?"
"I think in the future, I will be based in Kuching and flying around. And hopefully getting a US citizenship."
"You knew that is illegal"
"But you have done something illegal for 30 years and nobody knows"
"Well, it's still worth taking the risk"
"So do my mind says so"
(we smiled at each other giving ourselves that look)
-
Until the last sentence the direction is still so ambiguous and it doesn't lead me anyway clearer. Well I guess dad and aunt Jen have been working closely to draft out a best future blue plan for me. The only thing is waiting for time to elapse. No matter what it is, I will make my decision based on the instantaneous situation judging from angle which offers the best for everyone. I have a strong premonition that this wouldn't be my forever and last stop. Time moves, thing changes, so do I.

- 21 November 2011

Gemini

“

GEMINI MAN:

He change his mind as fast as he change a new pairs of shoes. He can pick up a book and roughly read through and understand it’s contents, so if you see a Gemini man who reads the whole book, then he must be influenced by other Zodiac.

If you date this kind of guy, you might think you are dating 2 guys, you will have to guess his feeling and emotion. Is he doing thing because it is a duty, or is it because he wants to?

”

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Missing You

I am seriously missing

Jimmy Liu Dao Sheng

and

Esther Tan Yi Jing

-

I am sorry for not space out my weekend to skype

I know Blackcat is coming back from Melbourne very soon

I think I am getting to meet him somewhere end of December

But I wonder if I could meet Esther?

I will drive to your house on the 1st day of 2012 if you couldn't get out

Just a simple hug will do

It had been 365 days

And I don't want to wait another 365 more

*Did I tell you that I hate daylight saving so much cause it drags another hour more between Singapore and Auckland. It may seems insignificant to others but it means a lot to us who need to keep in touch when we are still awake.

Christmas Doodling

I was appointed to in charge for SEG A&R Christmas Celebration publicity

I have to come out with designs

And here is what I've got so far

I only upload 2 out o 4 here

I think the rest are too tedious to be opened for public

-

Flyer

-

Name tag

Concoction

I went to Magomba to meetup with Edmund and his friend Gaius

I have no fucking idea what the concoction was

But Redbull was one of the elements that made it taste sweet

And some other liquor which doesn't carry much alcohol

Being said so I was feeling a bit tipsy at first

But the feeling went off very soon as I only drank a glass of Johny Walker

Both came back from Christchurch

Edmund was previously my classmate

And Gaius a Singaporean currently serving NS

I asked Andrew to join us to mix around

And I think he does find my friend a cool shit

Ain't you agree?

Break

I talk, I shout, I mumble, I laugh

It just an outshell

I am being too tired

And I need a break

Give me

A second to breathe

A minute to dream

An extra quarter hour for sleep
Few more moments for me to think and miss you

雨下

看完“那些年”后，在繁忙的人群中，我快步穿梭人群，只希望可以快些搭上巴士，回家去。细雨纷纷，把平时站在车站外的人群往里面挤，为的只是不要被淋湿。在步向车站的某处，隐约看见约似165的巴士，在寒风的吹袭下，拉上捷克的头盖，把耳机从口袋中拿出来，接上iPhone，快捷地打开那一首歌-“A Thousand Years"。

-

巴士上挤得水泄不通，站在最靠近司机的位置。从来不曾在雨中与巴士的挡风镜离得这么近，豆大的雨珠不停的滑落，再把视线搞得若影若现时就被雨刮器扫走了，而暂时恢复清晰的视线很快又被雨滴给弄模糊了，这个动作一直重复着，就像我的思绪般，时而清晰时而模糊。原来愁在雨天，愁更愁。

-

一直以来都喜欢寡言多行，生命付诸在每一个灵体上都是一个价值，贬值或增值，与先天的条件和后天的培养一般上都离不开关系。我从来都没有生气或恼怒过，我只是感慨那一段桥梁的距离，即使短，却常常云雾四起，打断了原本应有的默契。有一段时期，即使多天没见，在见面的那一刻，总会有很多的话写在脸上，根本不用依靠那传统的科学，在空气中磨牙切齿，以震动的分子传达讯息，我们选择了心灵相通，或许是一种以生俱来的本能。在Twitter上，句里行间透露着心里的那一份感慨，没有想到你会有离开的一天。难道初衷的在意、关心，变成了一种无形的压力，过后演变成逃避吗？需要的不是无谓的交谈，问题在于信任与了解。因为一粒字，可以造出千百个句子，万般的意思。所谓的默契，就是在千百个字里行间中找到彼此的那一段，共同的那一段，很多时候就是这般的奇妙。或许有一天你会明白，也可能误会是一辈子。我了解的你，是一种信念；你了解我的时候，不要怀疑。

-

祸从口出

沉默是金

Shatter

Initial wish was to hope you will stay connected with hyped gadget using my favorite microblogging site - twitter. You did an account at the same time created the history too.

Sunset has the most beautiful scene of the day but it doesn't last long. It will somehow appear again the next day, depending on the weather and so, but not everyday is a sunny. If you have faith in tomorrow's dawn, you will be determined to stay whole day long, despite the storm or thunder if there is any, because you long for the essence of God's creation. The moment you see the shades of rainbow after rain, you know you have lived another day, a day filled with your bona fide heart.

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Once Upon A Time

Once

How eager was I to escape

After dream, after bustling metropolis

And now sitting down and think back

How fast has it been?

How far did I go?

Just the egotism that you want people to know that you are overseas

It is the saying that moon is rounder outside

Just what people think, and how you react

The best is still where you heart is

Where it all started, and where the full stop will be marked

-

It was 3.30am in the morning

Too many things, too little time

-

Life's too short to be everything

Everyday I wake up and when I look into the mirror brushing my teeth

I will remind myself

"What if today were my last day, how will I utilise it?"

I had read this sentence everywhere

But not until I lost something in life

I have came to comprehend the implicit underlying meaning

It is how you want to maximise out of the box, out of your limitation

-

Be thankful, be grateful, be lovely

Do it while you are able to

Time doesn't wait

-

Don't tear when you watch this video

I have loved you for a

Thousand years

I'll love you for a

Thousand more

Today is a Big Day

Good morning to all

Wondering why am I still awake at this moment?

Dragging my heavy eye bags and dizzily spinning head

I am preparing script for my speech tomorrow!

Oh no it's later

Not to say preparing, it's actually the final touch up after changes this evening at TFA

I am glad that although I wasn't around for most of the time just now

But my committee members did a very good job

Also not forgetting another team lead by Keegan at Impact side

They are all indeed a not-to-worry team

-

I had this thought to put up a slide to introduce our committee members during our camp two weeks ago

But the melancholy news from home had forced me to be absent for a week

And I couldn't do per what I initially planned

But God heard me

I am able resume my earlier plan for today's event

-

14 of us had worked hard to serve the best for the course

So I believe it's good if we can be recognised by our people

Goodluck to all and million thanks to all helpers and performers

-

"DPE, from the people, for the people"

111111, make it happens

=)

Tiredness

I am deprived from sleep

I was spending most of my week to accompany grandma

She slept well inside her house for the past few days until Wednesday

When she will be moved to sleep with grandpa for the rest of the time

Life's short

I can't be helped, and nobody could

Mum was convincing me to stay in Kuching for few more days after coming back from Sibu

But I can't

Despite the hard feeling which I wished to stay in Kuching

To reminisce at the sewing machine which grandma used to use

The sofa which grandma used to nap

Even the cleanse which grandma used every morning

I have to fly back

Responsibility on shoulder can never be eased unless I run them personally

-

Give and take

Come and go

Grab it while you can

Cherish while you have

Permanent is mirage

Only spirit lives immortally

那一片云彩

"I am getting an iPhone 4S, please let me have it okay? It's releasing next week and I can't even wait for it!" "Yee, you're studying abroad and be more thrifty..." "but I really love it. And I tell you I just bought an iPad 2 recently and it seriously ousted my Galaxy Tab as my eBook reader and of course serve me as a mini TV" "What?! You bought an iPad?" "Chill, I am gonna resale it and I am firm at a 100 dollar profit" "you sure? Anyway, what are you going to do with your iPhone 4 if you're gonna get a 4S?" "I don't know? Sell it or leave it for Khai?" "Oh, actually you can bring it home during Christmas" "So you're trying to say that I can get a 4S?" "I didn't say that" "but I knew it" "so how's study?" "Pretty fine just you know...I have been discussing about porting over to Civil Engineering after next year" "you seriously don't like this course?" "I just don't like to face the icy monitor day and night or standing in front of machine until my legs lost its conscious" "we'll talk about it again" "Eh, one more thing..." ... ...

And finally I hang up the phone. It was an hour plus call, but I don't know why mum chose to use the conventional phone call instead of Skype. But I kind of liking the stability and continuous chatting without call drop. Skype, is just sux sometimes.

Half an hour later, 11.20pm. I just finished arranging the books on my table and clicked on the pps on my iPad, waiting for the home screen to load several covers of the latest show. Phone suddenly came alive, I recognize the four letter "HOME". I was wondering what's wrong again because the only person who will call me from home (Kuching) again must be mum because both daddy and grandma were in Sibu attending somebody's wedding. It was Saturday night and it's impossible for Wee and Khai to not playing Dota.

I picked up the phone reluctantly, sounding inattentively as my show "康熙来了" on pps was already buffering and can't be bothered with anything.

＂你要冷静，我要跟你讲一样事情＂＂哦＂My eyes were on the iPad, the show finished buffering and started playing, I gave mum a skimpy reply, I just wanna end the convo asap. "阿嬷没有了＂＂什么？她不是在诗巫喝喜酒吗？＂＂对，刚刚daddy打来说阿嬷没有了＂I started to hear something that resemble nasal voice and I can't be more sure that the opposite is sobbing. I somehow put up the call and I forgot how it ended.

At that moment, I stone and went blank. What was in mind were all question marks. How could it be? I just went grandma's room to sleep last two weeks, two Saturday ago to be exact because I can watch Astro in her room but not in mine. And I always have this habit in Kuching, I love to lie on bed with grandma and watching tv programme until I fall asleep. Usually I will preset a countdown timer for the tv, let's say it will turn off automatically after half an hour. In Kuching, I usually go to dream in less than half an hour, not really suffering much insomnia as I do in Singapore most probably because of the air-conditioned room, the comfy bed sheet and most importantly that is my house, where my root is.

My mind was still pausing at the previous blank page, not knowing what is going to fill it up next. And then, few minutes of silence later (I paused my pps after the call) I stood up, walked towards the door knob, turned the knob anti clockwise and pulling backwards until the gap was big enough for me to get out of the room. I made my quick pace towards the bathroom and took a short shower. When the warm water running over my naked body, I tasted the saltiness, I was then quite sure that was the first time I started tearing after knowing the tragedy.

I received dad's viber at 3.30am later.

I flew out to Sibu from Johore as there is no direct flight from Singapore. I met Andrew, Gracia, auntie Phillies (their mother), auntie Jennifer from Washington and auntie Selvia from Jakarta before we took a private cab to Johore airport from Singapore. The entire trip was a real time drama.

抵达诗巫的那一刻，我的心都沉了。到了殡仪馆的那一瞬间，我看到婆婆那慈祥的遗照，我已按耐不住内心的痛，热泪夺框而出，那一段与婆婆一起渡过的日子，往事一幕幕回首。想到婆婆端午节常做的粽子，每当放假回古晋时吃她做的寿司，想到我在新加坡用的被子是她缝给我的，记得小学的假期都我陪她在诗巫一同渡过，想到每次Astro她按错按钮时都是我帮她调回去，在古晋的多个星期六都我开车带她去买些蔡，想到上两个星期她才为我缝好了一件衣。。。太多回忆一瞬间充斥了脑袋，我一瞬间崩溃得泣不成声。

＂死亡只是一种过程＂，很多时候说的比做的来得容易多。在你失去至亲的那一刻，平时走的潇洒路线只不过是一种肤浅的掩饰，哭红的双眸再也无法证明什么。现今的日子里，大家都带着无数的无奈，在为生命而奔波，在为理想而奋斗。在失去的那一刻才赫然醒悟，最远的其实最近。即使离开得安详，却怎么也包扎不了心口上的那一个缺口，心灵上的那一片空虚。每当睡觉时看到你缝的那一条被子，盖在身上，有一种被您呵护的温暖。用中文铺上下半段的这一段，只希望阿嬷在天之灵可以看到，读到。

小时候，幸福是一件简单的事；
长大后，简单是一件幸福的事。

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Gathering

Just went for a gathering, not only gather my previous classmates but also schoolmates from other classes in secondary. Life got to seperate after we leave high school, some are heading to KL, some to UK, some to Australia, some to India and even some to Taiwan, and of course me myself in Singapore. This is life isn't it? It seems like no people are willing to stay down here for further study and leaving one by one. Reality simply means aim higher and further. Though we are miles away, but the spirit never dies. That is what we, Sarawakians, Malaysians are proud of.

*Fabian, even though A level is tough. But do take care and keep yourself in pink while doing revision. More to catch up next time. Goodluck =)