And finally I hang up the phone. It was an hour plus call, but I don't know why mum chose to use the conventional phone call instead of Skype. But I kind of liking the stability and continuous chatting without call drop. Skype, is just sux sometimes.
Half an hour later, 11.20pm. I just finished arranging the books on my table and clicked on the pps on my iPad, waiting for the home screen to load several covers of the latest show. Phone suddenly came alive, I recognize the four letter "HOME". I was wondering what's wrong again because the only person who will call me from home (Kuching) again must be mum because both daddy and grandma were in Sibu attending somebody's wedding. It was Saturday night and it's impossible for Wee and Khai to not playing Dota.
I picked up the phone reluctantly, sounding inattentively as my show "康熙来了" on pps was already buffering and can't be bothered with anything.
＂你要冷静，我要跟你讲一样事情＂＂哦＂My eyes were on the iPad, the show finished buffering and started playing, I gave mum a skimpy reply, I just wanna end the convo asap. "阿嬷没有了＂＂什么？她不是在诗巫喝喜酒吗？＂＂对，刚刚daddy打来说阿嬷没有了＂I started to hear something that resemble nasal voice and I can't be more sure that the opposite is sobbing. I somehow put up the call and I forgot how it ended.
At that moment, I stone and went blank. What was in mind were all question marks. How could it be? I just went grandma's room to sleep last two weeks, two Saturday ago to be exact because I can watch Astro in her room but not in mine. And I always have this habit in Kuching, I love to lie on bed with grandma and watching tv programme until I fall asleep. Usually I will preset a countdown timer for the tv, let's say it will turn off automatically after half an hour. In Kuching, I usually go to dream in less than half an hour, not really suffering much insomnia as I do in Singapore most probably because of the air-conditioned room, the comfy bed sheet and most importantly that is my house, where my root is.
My mind was still pausing at the previous blank page, not knowing what is going to fill it up next. And then, few minutes of silence later (I paused my pps after the call) I stood up, walked towards the door knob, turned the knob anti clockwise and pulling backwards until the gap was big enough for me to get out of the room. I made my quick pace towards the bathroom and took a short shower. When the warm water running over my naked body, I tasted the saltiness, I was then quite sure that was the first time I started tearing after knowing the tragedy.
I received dad's viber at 3.30am later.
抵达诗巫的那一刻，我的心都沉了。到了殡仪馆的那一瞬间，我看到婆婆那慈祥的遗照，我已按耐不住内心的痛，热泪夺框而出，那一段与婆婆一起渡过的日子，往事一幕幕回首。想到婆婆端午节常做的粽子，每当放假回古晋时吃她做的寿司，想到我在新加坡用的被子是她缝给我的，记得小学的假期都我陪她在诗巫一同渡过，想到每次Astro她按错按钮时都是我帮她调回去，在古晋的多个星期六都我开车带她去买些蔡，想到上两个星期她才为我缝好了一件衣。。。太多回忆一瞬间充斥了脑袋，我一瞬间崩溃得泣不成声。
＂死亡只是一种过程＂，很多时候说的比做的来得容易多。在你失去至亲的那一刻，平时走的潇洒路线只不过是一种肤浅的掩饰，哭红的双眸再也无法证明什么。现今的日子里，大家都带着无数的无奈，在为生命而奔波，在为理想而奋斗。在失去的那一刻才赫然醒悟，最远的其实最近。即使离开得安详，却怎么也包扎不了心口上的那一个缺口，心灵上的那一片空虚。每当睡觉时看到你缝的那一条被子，盖在身上，有一种被您呵护的温暖。用中文铺上下半段的这一段，只希望阿嬷在天之灵可以看到，读到。
小时候，幸福是一件简单的事；
长大后，简单是一件幸福的事。
post from Blogger for iPhone
2 comments:
Your grandmother was a really nice lady, I remember her offering me food last time and being really courteous.
My deepest condolences and regards.
Tan yee, my deepest condolence to you and your family. I know how you feel right now but do stay strong. I will always give you my full support. And God will now look after your grandmother and she will rest in peace. JIA YOU. I will always pray for you. sorry for coming late. Have not online for sometimes. All the best =)
Post a Comment