The Numbers

5

First thing I gonna talk about is I finally got my second apple wife. After a long 1 month wait. At first I thought it was just a minor update but in fact those little improvements here and there are those which make it better as a whole. From the camera which has now becomes the benchmark for today's mobile photography to the A5X chip that makes everything smoother than before. User experience is what Apple focus at and they are totally doing it right. Just a single model iPhone can put the used-to-be mobile tech giant Nokia to shame despite Nokia's hundreds and hundreds of models. If your direction is right, you will get it right.

26

It is now in memories. I miss the laughter and fun we had together in the lab especially the last few weeks. Sometimes I was confused if we were doing FYP because we were so happy that we could laugh whole day long. The only rationale why I feel comfortable with them is because of the frankness, it is like the traits which is built within the heart. When you were down you shed a tear, when you were over the moon you burst into laughter like no one's business.

The royal members of codename-26

25

Finally get these two packets done and is ready to ship to Germany. Although the shipping cost burns a hole in my wallet but I always behold the belief that friendship is invaluable. I really hope everything will reach Germany in good shape, I have tried to cushion the package with a lot a lot of spongy layer and bubble wrapping and I do not want to be disappointed nor to disappoint them as well. Fabian and Tabea, wishing you all an early Christmas!

30

Paid a visit to the embassy of Japan today, the second time. I missed the application hour yesterday and got to travel down again today. This place is so fucking isolated that it is not accessible by any means of public transport. The nearest MRT is Orchard but you got to walk really really far like about 1.5-2km away by pedestrian walk along the main road. Be glad if it is a big sunshine, although it is hot but you only sweat! If it rains there is no shelter along the way! The worst part is there is so much traffic when crossing the junctions which always make this by legs journey longer and more tiring. Good news is I was in time for the submission. To Japanese timeliness is one of the main elements in their culture and they are quite particular about punctuality. If you came late, they would not entertain you at all.

17

On my way back from embassy to school, have to take train from Orchard station. And you know what, passed by H&M which me and Esther went on Monday which was then closed is celebrating it's grand opening today. I guess the officiating ceremony was over thus the crowd was not as huge as expected. I tried the black shirt in the picture and took a random photo in fitting room and uploaded to instagram. I received a lot of positive feedback and my confidence soars high a little. Lol. I think codename26 and Esther have lifted my overall emotion and washed away the sorrow which I have eventually overlooked. This is a good sign as I feel myself getting more positive towards life. Thank God.

0

I miss the old us. When we look for each other is not just for the sake of needing help. But the fact seems inevitable now. I guess I do not need to try hard to save the old memories back into present, what have left is left. Today I have learnt to live for today but not living in mirage reminiscing the past and try to retain the memory and project into the reality. I find my life too miserable always try to keep the best memories alive. History is history.I ever tried to correct our relationship. I texted you to chat but our minds seems to fall apart, there was even time when I saw your read timestamp but I did not receive a reply. I understand you might miss a few replies like what I do occasionally but if it happens too frequent, it is really upset. Nowadays my iMessage notification only comes in when I need to buy something and post it to your house thus requiring your address or when you need reference for certain project or module you come to ask from me. The olden days we only talked cock and wasting our time chatting all the unnecessity. If it was the old me I will keep tweeting about how life has turned this way and how sad am I how much I wish I could rewind back the good old time. I have told myself that be positive and make the most out of limits. Spending more time to polish my in-depth knowledge, an occasional night run to boost stamina, a hearty meal with friends to foster relationship, chatting with her to keep the distance short, facetime with family to feel homy, a fun outing to fade away unhappiness, a pilgrimage escaping mundanity. Yes, I love my life now.

Urlaub

I want to leave for vacation. In dire need of widening my mind and to stimulate more ideas how I gonna realize it. Love you.

Thank You So Much

Thank you so much

For the fun and laughter we shared for the past three months

I can feel my broken heart is slowly convalescing

Definitely will start missing you guys from next week onwards

Announcement

Sorry for all the waits. I temporarily shut down my blog because I was thinking of making a makeover. But being constraint by my packed schedule, I was not able to commit. So I have decided to open it to public again. The other reason I narrowed down to a handful of invited readers to my blog was because there was a huge jump of readers especially from United States, from tens to hundreds. I do not feel secured as I feel my little bits of life here and there was exposed to the world. This blog was intended for my personal use and meant to link with my close ones. Sorry if you are my constant readers and I have barred you, you are now welcome to read my delicious story of life made up of all unique and scarce spices.

I saw the tweet, and I feel it. Sometimes I feel I adapted to a new environment too quickly till I forgot where my previous roots were. But as environment is shifting swiftly so do I, I have learnt so much from the top management in NYP - 

The only way to survive is to adopt, 

instead of trying hard to make a change.

Somehow I feel my old belief that "sharing is caring" and karma which defines "you will receive good in return of doing good" has outgrown the ethic of this society. I hope this does not representing the entire Singapore (usually what a minority from a group does will represent the trait as a whole). So long so hard and so sad. I have since more direct in speaking my mind and start pruning those tactful unnecessary civilities to make people feel good, some people do not give a fuck and will not even appreciate. I always hear people saying but I was ignorant until I experienced it. 

Although I do not really like what I am receiving in my life now, but for the sake of my parents' expectation I will accept whatsoever that comes to me even not very appealing. My dream was not dead. I am still laying bricks on the way to building it up. Time can heal pain, also it can drag more misery if not properly handle. I also tend to be more appreciative because I am so sick receiving complaints from people who take all the good things for granted. 

If you feel me distant myself from the group, it is simply I feel that I have fallen out of the topic circle. I do not know how to initiate an impromptu conversation, I have to plot one. Referring to what I have experienced from the previous paragraph, I want to be direct and not pretentious. If I do not like it, I just quit. There is no need to hide my feelings and try to act in front of the crowd.

I thank all who have been rendering your morale support for me, be it a simple text from Kuching, a call from classmate or whatsapp from Europe. There is nothing that beats me down, only burning the will stronger. 

Bits Of Life

This morning I woke up real high. No reason but just anticipating to go to school today. I brought in the Starbucks coffee I bought to lab and lolz. We aroused another round of buzz and burst into laughter almost for the entire day. I attended Japanese lesson reluctantly but the experienced tutor (I heard he is the head of Japanese language in my school) did lighten up my little passion in Japan, not much.

It was a very cold and cooling day, shivering got worsen by the super power air-cond. Received a system generated message telling me the confirmation from Toyoda Japan. Never fancy Japan nor it is on my list of travel in the near future. Mixed feeling. Have to split up with my previous partner and ... ... Have to admit that not in a good mood to get set for the rest of the day which I was previously on a high notch.

My labmate - Rachel is flying off to Japan tomorrow. Happy 21st in advance! I may be joining you a month later.

Commissioning finished off with a perfect ending. Juniors are doing better and I believe will get even better in the future. An instax with brother Andrew to mark the end of this chapter in DPE IMPACT. Got to appreciate him as he never fails to take my tantrum especially recently when I got baffled by some most of the difficult challenges I ever faced in my poly life. If not of his unsparing temper to tolerate my untuned emotion, I could have driven myself insane. Tail in Kch, Jim in OZ, Est in NZ, Bian in India and Drew in Sg. 

As Distant Journey Tests The Strength Of A Horse,

So As Time Reveals A Person's Heart and Character.

Spoke to them on Facebook again. I feel very dispirited and down hearted the moment they replied me "We told everyone that you are coming." They told their friends and family to actually welcome my stay in Germany if I would ever visit them which seems possible in the past few months when I did not foresee the complication that lies ahead. I do not know how much a foreign friend means to you, but these two Germans definitely serve as an eye opener for me which let me have a more global look on how the Caucasians think of we Asians and vice versa. Also through day-to-day interaction I get to understand why Germany is still standing upright and tower the world of innovation for tomorrow. They are also engineers who behold some of the best engineering perspective and understanding which I enjoyed chatting and discussed with them especially when comprehending the scenes of "The Dark Knight" from scientific point of view. We all have nearly the same interest and can't be happier if meeting again is not far away. I love Germany previously and the affection grows stronger with my constant coincident meetup with nice and friendly Germans as well as several German events, food, fashion, products and so on which make awesome even awesomer.

糜烂

有一种坚持，叫逆向而行

有一种生活，耐人寻味

有一种成功，蓄势待发

无止尽的耕耘如果换来的是不成对比的成就感

黑白的幽默，是那些人饭后的笑话

抚摸着那已不成形的心，播放着张惠妹的《彩虹》

有没有比灌醉更能让人忘了这一切

往事不堪回首，一切如过眼云烟

依留的色彩，是为了明天绽放的花儿而准备

Real Life of The Hunger Games

The time I most afraid of has finally arrived. I am not afeared that our friendship will rot after this but the outcome can be roughshod to once challenge our morale which will again peak the melancholic tone which has diminished as time elapsed. Tomorrow it is going to bring it back to climax. I wish you will get it but I also receiving pressure from both my parents and people who perceive me as a sublime figure of which going overseas seems to be a norm in addition to my "outstanding performance" last semester. This is what my godmother reminded earlier on this evening - DPE is watching at you. Even if luck was on my side, how will I feel for him? I do not want to be a man who builds happiness on others' suffering. I do not have the gut to confront my conscious. But how am I going to not make my parents, especially my mum to not feel disappointed if I let it go. Is there a way to perfect the situation, a total solution to kill two birds with one stone. Why one of us has to leave? I always thought we are one of the perfect pairing in regards to our similar academic level, CCAs achievement and field of interest. As far as I concern, we are one of the few pairs who have not encounter any internal dispute yet and I want to maintain it. How is that possible to stay longer if we are going to split. I always thought with my specialization in product design and his major in mould design we could create something big for the company we are attached to and achieve what distinguish us from others. God if You could hear my prayer, will You intervene and make this competition fairer and side people who have devoted their very very best to pave towards what they deserve for. 

It looks pageant from outside,

but it is nothing better than the Hunger Games,

from the selection of participants to the ultimate winners. 

Mercy

I wanna go home, mercy please?

Lyrics:

Tonight you're so far away from home,

You don't wanna be here,

but I can't let you go,

Cause time was never on your side

and It never will be,

Cause tonight your mine.

And I just wanna storm,

but I know I never will,

I'm just what you made me to be

And I wanna let you go,

I want to set you free,

So just say mercy.

Wasted so much time,

And time is what you plead for,

but I can't give in,

Cause I'm the only one that can

save you from the dark side,

But I won't let go.

And I just wanna storm,

But I know I never will,

I'm just what you made me to be

And I wanna let you go,

I wanna set you free,

So just say mercy.

Can you let me go?

Can you save my soul?

Can you save my life?

Can you say mercy?

---

It reflects too much of my real time situation. Tears immediately rolls down my cheek as the lyrics go on. I feel so much distanced because I can hardly slip in any of the chit-chatting topics. Maybe I am too sensitive to find the gap tearing apart but I no longer feeling comfortable. I feel myself so helpless. I read one of my mates' blog this afternoon, if the world is gonna end soon, I am not sure if I gonna die with regrets but certainly will. Many goals are set but I hardly hit any of those, even I have been trying hard all these while. I am stubborn at keeping hardships to myself, I do not want to burst in front of crowd. Trying hard to hide behind the mask has been tough, depression which screws me if I start counting days. I have a dream, I wanna change the world with the ideas generating my mind, I thought it is gonna be revolutionary. I wanted to open wide my vision but I am not privileged enough to grab any of those opportunities in hand. When our conversations tend to surface turning into a superficial content-less verbal interaction, I do not know where to make a U-turn. Everyone is in their respective shoes and not many care to signal you a gesture of goodwill. I learn to digest the adverse taste and trying to absorb the nutrients which eventually drive me to a whole new horizon of psychiatry. Be it optimistically or pessimistically, I know I have to throw in some i-factors in my backpack and leave the remaining to be forgotten and take off with the gigantic wings to the extent as far as I could stretch. I should give a courteous rejection to all goodwill of invitations, the sense of belonging is missing. I appreciate if the lesser the travelers are joining this trip the better it will be, glad that my mate is willing to hop on this journey together. I wanna make it simple and clear-cut from all possible mundanity. Me alone or few of us will make pilgrimage to place where we find peace by nature. In dire of letting go the trains of thought which pile up to complication. 

I Miss You

When I am about to let go

I realize how deep I am in love with you

The strong affection seems not to fade over time instead growing exponentially

The ruthlessness of distance which gives me the reason to give up

I try hard to find the balance in this dichotomize

The wit falls in between lines of whatsapp enthralls me

My flub to excel gives me an ultimate time to brood especially during these silent nights

In my fumble searching of what true philosophy is

I understand that

"What the mind can conceive,

it can be achieved."

During the interim of making my way right back on track

I try to rehab from the melancholic past

But the soul just started to convalesce

It has been a long way

And longer ones lying ahead

Did I tell you that sometime I really love to see my name the first on the list.